post brave new world (BEAUTIFUL BOOK)

August 28^th, 2010

Dear diary,

It has passed many years now since the death of John. He was the first man I ever felt in love. What most hurts me inside is that I never realized how much I love him until the day he died. In order to understand everything better I’ll start from the beginning. I was a normal promiscuous Beta. I love having sex with many different guys, as it was accepted in my society well it was normal for me. As the years passed I started to realize that my life was so empty. I felt lonely and empty I am not sure why, but my life started to seem so miserable to me, it took me more than tree dozens of boys to realized how sex wasn’t going to made me feel better with myself. So one day came this boy, Bernard Marx, the dummy alpha plus, so different from the others that immediately captivated me. He was the alpha plus who wasn’t afraid to show himself the way he was without caring what the others though. He asked me out and I immediately accepted it was my opportunity to find a man who wasn’t just going to be with me to have a good time but to be with me in a relationship. So I decided to spent some time with him, I thought that maybe as the time passed I was going to start feelings things towards him, but I guess I was wrong. During the many times we went out he never did something interesting or exciting, it was always the same things, looking nowhere talking about strange things. I always ended up bored and the best solution was having sex, I guess that was the most exciting part of the entire date. But well I was still going to give him a shot, I thought that maybe as time passed I’ll start to get used to him and his strangeness. So one time he asked me to go with him to this savage reservation in Mexico, it was a place with nothing technological in there. To be sincere it was very bizarre I had never been there before so for me everything in there was strange and new, but it was at the same time funny because of all those strange rituals and dances. Now I think it was funny to me because I had never seeing something like that before; but I’ll never hesitated accepting that invitation was the best thing ever happened to me, because at the savage reservation was where I met john, he was the strangest man I ever met, just as an example he was procreated by a man and a woman, not like us, that were created by embryos. He was created by two people having sex. He had a father and a mother, back then I had never even heard those two words for me he was the strangest man of the entire world. Maybe his strangeness was the part that immediately grabbed my attention. Then Bernard took him and his mother with us, he asked for the permission and everything. Time passed and we spent time together of course Bernard was with us but it was inevitable to watch how much we liked each other back then. He was amazing and I never realized  how caring and lovely he was with me, he even once told me in secret he had feelings for me, but I never took it seriously. He became really famous and it seems that he love it, I was really happy for him. During one of our conversation I told him that good things were going to happen to him, first I was right but then things started to change. I think he felt so exhausted of his new life, maybe he wasn’t get used to all that attention he was receiving. It was a Friday, when he took that bad and life destroyer soma, and then few hours later he hanged himself. Looking at him hanging there make me realized how much I care about him, how much I was going to miss him. I felt so bad the next years I even blamed myself for doing nothing to help him. He was just a regular boy looking for attention and I without knowing was a regular girl looking for love. I know now, that he was willing to give me everything that I wished. Now twenty five years later I realize how happy I could have been with him. I have never got married, I have respected his memory and all the love we once felt. I know wherever he is; he is watching me, taking care of me and the best of all loving me with all his heart just the same way as I do.

 

Lenina